There I am!!!

This time of year has always been hard for me and this year a little more so than usual.  A few weeks ago I realized I seemed to have lost myself and that hit me pretty hard.  Since then I continued moving forward almost like a zombie, I did what I had to do but that was about it. 

Yesterday I was on the last stretch of my run (on the dreadmill) and I looked up WAAAAAYYYYYY across the gym in the mirror I saw my reflection. I almost burst into tears because I realized I had just found me.  Ironically, I was listening to Lose Yourself by Eminem. 

When acting as a caregiver for others it is so imperative to make sure you take time to take care of yourself.  This was one rule my sister set down on day one, but unfortunately it doesn’t happen as it should.  My sister notified everyone that I WILL get two hours to myself every day.  After the past few weeks I have realized this is NOT an option.  

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to take care of yourself first!!!! When you take care of yourself you take better care of those around you!

Do not let what you can not do; interfere with what you can do.

–John Wooden

VA Hospital

Today was an interesting day. I had to go up to Denver to the VA hospital with a friend.  I have been there before, I have gone to the ER up there (on a weekend), I have had appointments and so on.  Today we were up there for the better part of the day and I had a chance to sit down and pay attention to my surroundings.  The only word I can come up with to describe the place is depressing!

I have never seen some much brokenness and hopelessness. There were so many people I wanted to walk up and give giant hugs to.  One guy got pissed at someone who worked there because she was trying to let him know what he needs to do in order to get help.  Is yelling at her and walking away really going to get anything accomplished? No!  The staff that we dealt with today realized pretty quickly what our personality is like and they clearly relaxed and seemed to have an enjoyable time joking around with us. 

While I was sitting there people watching I could help but wonder what did all these people look like when they first entered into the military.  I was shocked to see a WWII vet, actually I was quite impressed!  There were some people who were wondering around as if they had no idea where they were going or what they were doing.  This visit comes the same day I heard that this year’s military suicide rate has already passed last year’s rate.  I really hope I am able to keep my spirit up and not drop into the same despair that many of the people I saw today seem to have fallen in to.